May 18th, 2010: Ze Issue Is Out

We're on Library Walk all week.  Get that shit up in you, it's good for you.


Spring 2010, Issue 2

April 7th, 2010: WE PRESIDENT NOW, MOTHERFUCKERS

Here's our brand-spankin' new 12-page COLOR issue!  As a special treat for our fans, we decided to do a centerfold poster in FULL MOTHERFUCKING COLOR.  Make sure to get your copy on Library Walk so you can hang that shit in your room/dorm/line your litter box with it.

We'll be on Library Walk tomorrow, Friday and probably Monday.  Don't miss out on this, it's the first time we've ever printed in full color, and when the BSU gets wind there's going to be a WHOLE lot more "real pain."


Spring 2010, Issue 1

March 11th, 2010: The Koala's Address to UCSD.

Want to know what the Koala thinks beyond our hateful shitrag?


p.s. FUNDING IS BACK FOR MEDIA ORGANIZATIONS.  Hey AS, what exactly does our cock taste like?  Oh, you don't have tastebuds in the back of your throat?  Maybe next time you should lick the tip before we ram it down your throat.

March 4th, 2010: iphone app

The Koala has a free app for the iphone.  Download it today and spew what you really think.  

March 3rd, 2010: New Issue Is Out!

The latest issue of the MOTHERFUCKING Koala is available on Library Walk this week.  Come get your copy!

February 20th, 2010: Compton Cookout

The Koala would like to condemn the organizers of the Compton Cookout.  If history has shown us anything, you need more black people at your party to have enough black-on-black violence to actually justify the  name "Compton."  Shame on you.  SHAME.

February 20th, 2010: We President Now!

Stolen from UCSD's own Black Alumni Reunion: Kool-Aid 'n' Chicken.  Compare this menu with the Compton Cookout.  We can't make this stuff up folks.  I saved a screen shot, because they're going to take this one down.

February 19th, 2010: Back Issues

We stopped fulfilling certain stereotypes about African Americans and updated our back issues!

If you'd like to contact us, call us on our hotline: 404-MF-KOALA

Older News can be found in the Updates Section.

Back Issues

Houseboat on 06/02/08
Rating:

There exists a point in every college students life where you’re drinking simply to dull the pain from the last night’s drinking. Later, your intervention counselor will tell you this is alcoholism. In the meantime, there’s a place to hone your drinking skills to liver-crippling proportions: Houseboat.

5 Houseboats, 125...continues

DSP Highlighter Party on 10/03/07
Rating:

This party was a great hook-up party. Everyone was drunk as fuck, trying to stick their tongues down naive freshmen's throats. However, this party was more of a self-realization party for me. It made me realize that I don't have to make lies to myself anymore. I hooked up with three different cute freshmen chicks. I went home thinkin...continues

yeww boi
Submitted By: francis

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Welcome to The Koala's webpage.  If you stumbled across here, you were probably searching for Koala TV porn, or Koala TV Steve York, or Netvideogirls, or Nadia Styles.

The Koala is actually a newspaper.  We have been around since 1892 when Scripps Institutions of Oceanography opened.  We were there to cover many important events in history.  When Orville Wright was flying airplanes we were drinking. When World War 2 broke out, we were drinking.  When the Euro became a legitimate currency, we found out about it three years later.

The Koala has two long traditions.  The first is maintaining a staff with a variety of personality disorders.  This is paramount.  A lesser known tradition is our editors achieving a third place standing in A.S. elections.  This can be either viewed one or two ways.  Whoa, or Wow!

We try to provide a safe and clean atmosphere for normal UCSD students to get drunk (on life) in and write funny stuff.  We also are not as dumb as we look, so don't fuck with us.  Many famous people have written for The Koala over the years. You might recognize some of these names:  Steve Lutz, Tulley Rafferty, Evan Hoovler, Drew Carey, Condoleeza Rice, Bryan Barton, and Brad Kohlenberg. You now have a cookie embedded into your computer that will not go away until 2037.  Until then we'll be watching you.

The Koala is a student-run humor publication at the University of California, San Diego. We usually publish two issues per quarter, except in the summer. Our issues can be found around campus or digitally in the Archives section. The issues are mostly in PDF format, except of course those in the HTML Archives section.

If you've actually read this far, then you must not be intoxicated enough to participate in The Koala. However, if this is simply a lapse in your poor, poor, judgment, and your interest in The Koala has been aroused (possibly by the Koala logo's phallic-like thumb), why not think of joining us? Info on attending a Koala meeting can be found in the Contact Us section.

Feel free to download issues, submit a personal or list, leave us feedback in The Forums, and check out our pictures.