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Cats in a can - a real wild dream

as told to Elaine Wallace
Koala Staff

The television radiated gray light throughout the room. George was asleep in his chair, a position he commonly assumes whether at home or in lecture. Outside, rain drummed lightly on the pavement.

Suddenly, the test pattern was interrupted by a "Beverly Hillbillies" rerun. Uncle Jed and Jethro were locked inside Mr. Drysdale's bank vault as the commercial cut in...

"New 'Cats in Cans’" came the voice as the screen flashed a can with a cat's face on the label.

"No more litter box...No more messy cat food cans."

Dan Akroyd stood next to a table with a pyramid of cans. He beamed at the studio audience

“’Cats in Cans' are convenient,"Akroyd barked. "Just pop the top and out pops your new fuzzy friend."

In answer to his claim, a feline head popped up from the can in Akroyd's hand

“Tabby,” he announced proudly.

He popped another: “Persian.”

and another: “Siamese.”

and yet another: “Stray.”

Akroyd left the cans for a moment to go into his sales pitch.

"No problems, no messes, no shots. No worry on vacations. When you're tired of them, just dispose of them." He chucked the stray can into a wastebasket

"And don't forget the variety folks." Opening another can as he spoke, Akroyd pulled out a calico and cradled him to his chest.

"What could be more lovable and practical than your personal cat from a can?" Akroyd cooed as the picture faded to black.

"’Cats In Cans’ are available at your neighborhood supermarket.”
The test pattern returned. Outside, the rain had ceased. George stirred, rubbed his eyes slowly stretched out of the chair.

"What a wild dream,” he thought, shaking his head. After switching off the set he turned to the bedroom. "’Cats In Cans' huh…”

"...also available by mail order."

"Never pet a burning dog." - George

George (an Earl Warren College student) is a nice guy plagued by strange dreams Very strange. He has read several books in an attempt to decipher his dreams. None have helped. That is why The Koala well present a free "I Interpreted George's Dream" t-shirt to the reader who submits the best interpretation. The top five entries will be published in the subsequent issue of The Koala. Please restrict submissions to five paragraphs. This contest is closed to Koala staff members, relatives of staff members, and cocker spaniels. We don’t like cocker spaniels.