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Five things freshman should know

Mary Rose will agree to anything after a few beers
"Dork" is a term of affection used by RA's
The higher the course number, the easier the class
Anybody can man the kegs at a TG if they ask nicely
"A" parking spaces are for "A" students

Alan Wiggins lists the 5 people he would most like to be stranded on a deserted island with.

Chuck Muncie
Curtis Strong
Dolly Parton
Keith Hernandez
Emmanuel Lewis

8 Things To do When You Need To Study, as compiled by Malibu Jones

Go to the fountain and start yelling, "When is the next home football game?!"
Go to MOM at 2:00 and ask General Hospital viewers who the hell are Yank, Mr. Woo, and the Ancient One.
Go and bother the hell out of your fellow students by borrowing backpacks at the Sundry Store and putting them on desks at crowded lecture halls.
Go to HL and stare up at the people that are staring down or vice versa.
Go and ask the Revele Provost why it's so damn interesting, exciting, and Stimulating for Non-Science majors to take Physics.
Go get free movie passes to great ass-kicking movies like Slychuck Schwarztalonenorris' new film "First Code Invasion of Corambo II"
Go and bring your newspaper (preferably the LA Times) to school and hand out different sections so that your fellow students have alternative material to read.
Go and take off your shoe and hit it against your head and join UCSD's own "Dumb Instrument Club" that's been jamming so heavily . around campus.

Koala Quiz

Whaddya mean batteries not included.?
You want classic - listen to this. It's called Rhythm of the Night.
No, but for $20 I'll introduce you to my sister.
New Guinea - make it your new island home.
Hello? Hello? who is this? Is anybody there? Hello?
Le Grange, Bernoulli. Wow! Talk about real, virile men.
Oh sure, but have you ever tasted an AIDS virus?
He got me. Gasp! Farewell! Give my love to my wife. Gasp! Goodbye cruel world. Aaaarrrgh!
Gosh ... (sniffle)... terminals ... (cough) .. down. Weekend.. (wheeze) .. shot.
Are you kidding? Would Peruvian be this cheap? No, it's local. Very local.
Oui, Mademoiselle, Cheri...
She was so kind. Such a sweet and trusting girl. Sob! I hated her - ha! ha! ha! - just like all the rest. I'm not sorry I killed her.
How do you know that is the way and not just a way and that there couldn't be another way, a perfectly good way, to write my last name.
The Earth barren, Naked I tremble. My car will not start.
My daddy says that we have more than enough money and that I should have fun at college.
Where I come from we eat wood.
Bob, wait up. Larry, long time no see, friend. Whoa, Dale, how the hell are you? Wait, Ed. Let's have lunch soon, huh? So, Sid, what can I do you for?
Bowling - The Sport of Gods.
My that is masterful. You say Van Droff just spit on the canvas?
Hey lady, you wanna get that fucking trailer out of my driveway?

Answers:

Electrical Engineering.
Music
Economics
Anthropology
Communications
Math
Biology
Drama
Computer Science
Chemistry
Literature/French
Psychology
Philosophy
Literature/Writing (poetry)
Sociology
Third World Studies
Political Science
Physics
Visual Arts/ Studio (painting)
Urban Studies and Planning

Famous Quotes

Stanley Walens, UCSD Anthropology professor, during a lecture last week: "Love won't be found at your autopsy."

J.P. Gorin, famous film critic and UCSD Visual Arts professor, on the cancellation of VA 153, The Genre Series: "The person responsible for this is a shithead. I think this is a very smelly thing that has been done."

Vince Coleman, St. Louis Cardinal outfielder, after being told that he and teammate Willie McGee set a major league record by stealing four bases in one play: "I guess me and Wille are gonna be in the Hall of Fame."

"Wild" Willie Harris, UCSD Biology professor, in reply to a student who had a poor excuse for handing in his homework late: "Excuses are like assholes: everyone has one and they all stink."

Roger Hedgecock, Mayor of San Diego, on his future after prison: "I'm planning on selling cars with John DeLorean."

Gerry Faust, Notre Dame Head Football Coach, on his offensive scheme: "We have your basic 4-P offense Pinkett left, Pinkett Right, Pass, and Punt."

First party reviews

SDSU Surf Team Party
September 28, Mission Beach
Taking the cue from these guys, UCSD needs to learn to party. The huge crowd spilled out onto the street and boardwalk, with blondes, bums, and skinheads all drinking beer and carousing. Most of the students brought their own, besides the kegs were hidden elsewhere. The best feature was that this party was not broken up even when the S.D.P.D drove past on the beach. Del Mar Sherriff take a hint. This partier is staying south of the campus

Plaid Party-Club Del Mar
October 5
Great atmosphere and a super mix of people made this a happening place. Unique to the party was the initial drink, which was poured in thy mouth while being upside down over a fence. The music was great, although the dance floor was a little empty. All in all, good job guys.

TGIF
October 4, Hump
There were mixed feelings about this T.G. Some who enjoyed mellow music and a nice relaxed reunion with friends had a pretty good time. Those who didn't, didn't. One thing is for sure, no one enjoyed the increase of babysitters in blue uniforms and they can surely think of better play toys than yellow Hospital ID tags. Lets get some theme T.G.s!

Phi Delt Party
September 27, 26th Street
If you are looking for an early evening, just hit the next Phi Delt Party. Their beginning of the year bash turned into a babysitting event for all the Torrey Pine High School degenerates. The watered down kamikazis didn't add any to the party's festivities. By the time I choked down one of the deadly shooters, I was being poked in the back by a gnarley looking cop. Believe me, I wanted to leave. This party deserves

ZBT Rush Party
October 3, University City
This party was you might call interesting. The large turnout of nicely dressed folks greatly resembled a Yuppie cocktail party. One setback was the quality of the cocktails- Mesiterbrau just didn't cut it. And aside from the overwhelming sworm of fresman, the party seemed to be a rushing success. I have to admit, I-' did leave early. This party deserves: