Spring 1985, Issue 3

Great moments in Council history

by Kurt Schlichter Koala staff

Everyone picks on the poor AS. Well, I am here to defend them. So the AS is useless and aggravating. Well, no one is perfect. Think of all the things the AS has not done that no one knows about. I was assigned to make some up so that the AS looks good and doesn't cut our budget to about three dollars. Here they are.

Before the idea for the TGIF's came about, some student named Melvin from Revelle suggested a GDIM ("Goddammit, It's Monday") celebration. According to the press release, we were to have had a band playing funeral music on the gym steps with the audience groaning in unison. The idea was defeated by one vote.

Another brilliant idea was the "AS Men of UCSD" calendar idea. According to the AS, the students of UCSD were breathlessly awaiting photos of their classmates. This fiasco only cost a few thousand dollars. As a reviewer of lousy movies, I feel that 1 am in a particularly good position to review that project. You not only took pictures of the strangest looking guys but also the weirdest women, except, of course, that one that had the leather stuff on.

One of the best ideas that the AS entertained this year was the idea of divesting in Norway to solve the problem of apartheid in South Africa. We all know that Norway itself has nothing to do with South Africa, but it has relations with Israel, which has relations with the United States, which is the home of a few corporations that have branches in South Africa. Thus, apartheid is Norway's fault. The AS, has thus voted to curtail all UCSD business with Norway. Norway's reaction was "Ollie, vat iz thez UCSD cooledge?"

No one can say the AS is not in the forefront of UCSD activism. Why, just the other day, UCSD declared its opposition to the Vietnam War.
The poor AS has a lot of tough decisions to make. The last time they had a meeting to discuss the budget of La Voz Fronteriza, about thirty people, almost five of which went to UCSD, came to the meeting of the AS council. They threatened violence to anyone who voted against them, but that isn't the reason that the AS council voted for them. La Voz Fronteriza should get more money than The Koala. So what if The Koala is the most popular paper on campus? La Voz should get more money! Since, they are the loudest, it is irrelevant that they merely publish one issue per quarter.

No, no one should criticize La Voz Fronteriza. After all, it provides a unique and valuable viewpoint. What other paper has had as its headline "The US Is About To Invade Nicaragua" for their last ten issues? You shouldn't mess with tradition. If it were not for La Voz Froateriza and the new indicator, where else would we find grotesque stupidity at its worst? Don't get me wrong. I love the alternative media at UCSD. Where else but in the new indicator can you find articles funnier than the ones in The Koala. Did you know that the Black Plague was Reagan's fault? Neither did I, until I read the n.i.

No, the AS is by and large a well-intentioned organization. So it cowers in the face of organized leftists! So, its sole concern is its own power! Who cares? Hell, I don't. I didn't even ask to write this, so don't bother me.

Editor's Note: Schlichter, it's not often a writer can strike out three times in one issue. Nice going. At this rate, you'll never have to worry about writing again.