Dear Bobby,
In Zeef-Man 97, The Tailor was unable to re-stitch the Golden Gate Bridge in the five pages before Gnarlo ate the rest of San Francisco. But, as recently as Beepo 294, he could hem up all of New York City between two panels! What gives?
- - James Fisher

Dear Jimmy,
The Tailor's power was drastically sapped in his upcoming annual (occurring between Tailor 96 and 97).

Dear Bobby,
When are we going to see that dreamboat Talifax again? I'd do just anything if he'd just appear in Fridger soon!
- - Dolores Gardner

Dear Dolly,
Guess what? Tally will be in the very next issue of Fridger! Surprise! Thanks for the blow job.

Dear Bobby,
Are Zeke and Waroona going down Splitsville Avenue? Is Querk lusting after Moon-Man's craters? When will Mrs. Death-Bolt realize Gork's evil plan? Can you shed any light on these matters?
- - Glitziana McJenkins

Dear Glitzy,
Nope. Who are all those people?

Dear Bobby,
In Urrrrk 7, page 4, Bim is wearing a green beanie. On page 5 it's red. How can this be? Is it made from the skin of the Fire Chameleon that Dervo found in Dervo Annual 3? Do I get a no-prize?
- - Richard Atkinson

Dear Dicky,
Sorry, but no no-prize. It's a mood beanie.

Dear Bobby,
I recently saw my son's copy of your publication, "Gurfo-Blert," and I must say I was shocked. How can you allow such psychotic trash to be published for young minds?
- - Sir William T. Phrumph, III

Dear Billy,
That's right, Gurfo WAS diagnosed as psychotic recently, explaining his uncharacteristic outbursts of rage! Take a no-prize!

Dear Bobby,
In a recent issue of Albatross, Albatross is playing a harmonica so sweetly, everyone stops to listen. But, a few years ago, he said he was totally tone-deaf. Huh?
- - Daniel Swank

Dear Danny,
He lied.

Dear Bobby,
What's the deal with Farmer's overalls? One minute they're blue, next minute they're green! And how could he not recognize his own mother? And now he doesn't even know one end of a hoe from another? What happened to the rural mastermind we all know and love?
- - Quentin J. Tipster

Dear Asshole,
Just shut the hell up, okay? We make mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes. What do you do, comb these rags word by word? Get a life! GEEZ!

Dear Bobby,
That's no way to talk to our loyal (and only) readers. I'm shocked at your lack of sensitivity. You're fired.
- - Hugs Barkowitz

Dear Hugs, Fuck you too.
by Bobby LeGrange

Well, campers. this is going to be the last Bobby's Box. It seems my direct approach to letter-answering has left my oh-so-touchy boss Hugo "I have a nose" Barkowitz out in the cold.

But, even though I'm not going to be the one answering the hate mail, I have to be all nicey-nicey for this, my last Bobby's Box.

Coming up in the future of Koala Komics, it says here that there's going to be a new lackey in the head office. The poor schlub gets to answer whiny letters from lifeless little weeds, and write a column about things about which absolutely nobody cares. It's a thankless job. You'll love working with Hugo. The man has no soul at all.