New UCSD Chancellor Dynes Caught Masturbating in Price Center

by Al Coholic

Brand-new UCSD Chancellor Robert Dynes started his first quarter of service at UCSD on an awkward note after being caught masturbating in the Price Center last Wednesday. Dynes was spotted by sharp-eyed students wandering into the Price Center Study Lounge with a bottle of Thunderbird in one hand and a soiled copy of "Ass Smackers" in the other. "I started hearing unusual noises," recalls student Duk-Quan "Kenny" Kim. "When I investigated where the sounds were coming from, I was shocked to discover Chancellor Dynes punchin' the munchkin. What a freak!" Vice-Chancellor Joe Watson was quoted as stating that Dynes will not be penalized by the University for his Actions. Instead, explained Watson, Dynes will be "encouraged to masturbate in his office, like all other UCSD administrators do."

True Story:

After The Koala published this story, Dynes stopped by the Koala office. He proceeded to card the editor, then handing us a six pack of Budwiser, explaining how he can’t stand Thunderbird.