The Koala Online
Old Updates:
May 15th, 2006
The Koala kicks The Guardian's ass at Sloshball.
The Koala wins best game booth of Sungod.
May 14th, 2006
May 11th, 2006
New issue is out, look for it, or come to our Sungod booth. Also, a brand new picture of the month to caption:
May 8th, 2006
Watch for a new issue coming soon. Also, be sure to stop by The Koala's Sungod booth.
April 25th, 2006
We're working on some shit. In the meantime, check out an article about us printed in 1993 in the Union Tribune.
According to one homosexual student, we are "...just not funny."
April 13th, 2006
Congratulations to all that have found our treasure. Supposedly the stash was gone by 2PM of the first day of distribution. I can actually say I'm proud to be UCSD, when someone is down to crack manholes in the middle of the day.
April 11th, 2006
Look for the new issue soon. We have a new pic of the month:
March 13th, 2006
Ok, you can now submit and view the captions to the picture of the month online. No more waiting until the next issue. Check it out here.
March 5th, 2006
Look for the new issue this coming week on Library walk, and of course, here.
February 6th, 2006
Put in something about our editor burning his face at the bonfire. Also, another classic Koala issue for your consumption:
January 30th, 2006
Ok, we won the election. I bet the AS will try to renege.
The new issue is out in print, and the .pdf is all fucked up, and as we were fucked up, you're going to need to find one around campus to see our wonderful party flow chart.
Also, no more ads. I guess the UCSD administration can actually do something good.
December 28th, 2005
Winter break is almost over, so I did a pretty crappy job scanning in a classic issue. Hope you enjoy Winter 1991, Issue 1: Love Sucks.
It includes such gems as:
- Tommy Tucker is: Rainman II
- The Page O' Hate
- Tommy Tucker: Fat
- The Eerie Coincidences Between Cub Scouts and CSOs
- Tucker and Carruthers pick up some faggots
- Insane Man Forces Gay Lover to use Contraception
- The Mystic Art of Fecology
- A Special Koala Mini-Parody: The San Diego Reader
December 4th, 2005
Good luck on finals, for those who have them.
Remember, the AS special election about SRT will be first week, winter quarter.
Please vote via TritonLink if you are a UCSD undergrad. It's time to show the AS and the administration that we like our speech free.
December 2nd, 2005
Unless you're an idiot, you've noticed the new issue is up, and the subscription restrictions are gone.
Oh yeah, and SRTV is still off the air, but they have a new website at: srtvonline.com.
November 10th, 2005
See the updates for the petition progress.
Look for the latest Koala around campus, or come to the media lounge to get a copy. Digital pdf of the issue to come.
November 8th, 2005
Thanks for everyone's help for signing or getting signatures on the petitions. We are close, but not yet done. If you are a UCSD undergrad, and have yet to sign the petition (see below), stop by the media lounge.
Here is some of the feedback from actual students and not "Administration Sycophants." Quoting from the Guardian Messageboard:
fuck you AS
Turns out that A. S. stands for "Administration Sycophants." Fuck 'em.
I too would like to extend a "fuck you" to our Associated Students.
Even if they were somehow fooled by the administration, that's just as deplorable. Their job is to stand up for the students, not suckle at the teat of the administration. Whether they're uptight fascists or gullible dupes (or both), the end result is the same. Fuck 'em.
yeah, fuck you AS. What really sucks is that these 'AS' people get all kinds of perks and huge resume builders from serving on AS council as well. Too bad grad/professional schools see 'AS Treasurer, etc' as a compliment instead of an insult to humanity. We should riot like in France.
... If the most pressing item for the AS is this, than the AS should dissolve itself.
Here is a message from AS SAAC Rep, Kyle Samia:
I'm sorry, but for ANY of you senators that argued that it's not within the council's abilities to supercede the management of SRTV..I hold you all accountable. SRTV openly, publicly, and unabashedly ATTACKED, embarrassed, and HUMILIATED YOUR PEER!!!
If any of you sit back and let this shit continue under the weak argument "we're not lawyers, none of us are lawyers" (yeah Martens, like you), then I hope you all can look Kate in the face and feel proud because you personally have a hand in her PUBLIC DEGRADATION.
And for ANY of you senators who STILL have ANY reservations about council's authority over SRTV, well, then, I hope YOU are the next target Koala TV.
To which students replied:
"I hope you all can look Kate in the face and feel proud because you personally have a hand in her PUBLIC DEGRADATION." Wait, are you referring to the Koala TV broadcast or to her much more degrading participation in AS?
and
And for anyone on AS who refuses to HELP me MURDER Steve York and BURN SRTV to the ground, KNOW that YOU are BASICALLY kicking George Washington in the BALLS and urinating on Jesus' virginal MOTHER.
and
I'd like to point out that what Kyle (KS at the bottom) has not mentioned is that Kate and the rest of AS have embarassed and humiliated the entire student population by refusing to stand up to the administration's lawyers and fight for what the students (who AS is supposed to represent) have overwhelming demanded in AS meetings and in the Guardian poll - to not censor SRTV.
Not to mention the fact that AS censored SRTV in a secret meeting attended by only 5 students (including the Guardian reporter) and has since litterly pulled the broadcast in the middle of a perfectly decent talk show protesting their decision and then again during a broadcast text message asking students to email aspresident@ucsd.edu with their opinions.
AS Petition
Update: Thanks to everyone who collected signatures, or signed the petition. We submitted around 2,600 signatures to the AS on Wednesday, November 9th. Of course, the AS will try to weasel out of the special election.
The petition form and instructions are here (.pdf). We will be collecting the petitions on Wednesday, November 9th before the AS meeting in Price Center, Ballroom A, at 6:30 p.m..
Note: Only UCSD undergraduate signatures count.
November 6th, 2005
The ASUCSD through Greg Murphy, Vice President Finance on ASUCSD, shut down SRTV (The cable feed and the website) and locked out the staff for on-air protesting of the AS's illegal actions. His stated reason was unscheduled live programming is not allowed on SRTV, which appears nowhere in any rules.
The AS ignored their own media grievance procedure, the proper procedure to complain about content on SRTV.
Many parties, including The Koala are circulating a petition to force the AS council to hold a student vote and actually represent the students.
If you are interested, the petition is available for download here.
Note: Only UCSD undergraduate signatures count.
October 25th, 2005
Steve has decided to release a the full video of "Rising Fee's and Poppin' B's." Look for it on his site.
Sorry, but due to federal law, it has to be hosted on it's own site.
October 20th, 2005
Check out UCSD's hottest pornstar and former Koala editor.
October 11th, 2005
The new issue is up. Please note that we have a new access policy. Details are here.
October 6th, 2005
Welcome back. Our new issue is out in print, but due to delusions of grandeur, is not on the website as of yet. Instead I give you an older but much better issue:
September 24th, 2005
Welcome back. Be sure to check out the online party review system.
September 7th, 2005
Be on the lookout for the new issue, coming out first week.
We would also like to welcome our sister publication, The Koala at SDSU.
September 7th, 2005
Added a section on Porn on SRTV. Updated the Sungod history.
September 4th, 2005
Added the ability to see only photos with comments.
August 27th, 2005
Added the 1990 Koala Comic Book to the Archives. Enjoy.
August 19th, 2005
Added the video teaser for former editor Brian Barton's AS Coup D’état.
June 19th, 2005
Added the ability to add comments to the pictures. We also added the end of the year party.
June 1st, 2005
Sorry about the limited functionality, the power is back up. The links page has been changed to a dynamic page. Feel free to submit your own links, and rate out links.
May 23rd, 2005
Put up the sloshball vs. Guardian photos. Also created a search page to search thekoala.org with Google.
May 20th, 2005
Ok, so to pay for server parts we put some ads up. If they're really a problem, let us know.
May 13th, 2005
Put the Sungod 2005 photos up.
May 12th, 2005
Sungod Issue is out, and online. Also, check out next month's (September) Hustler Magazine for an article about Koala TV.
April 28th, 2005
The Little Darlings Episode of Koala TV is up. We also added more sloshball photos.
April 10th, 2005
Fox 6 News has been gracious enough to let us link to a few news segments they have done about The Koala in the last month:
FOX6, 3/4/05
Controversy at UCSD: Students rallied against a UCSD student publication that is known for controversy and shock..
April 9th, 2005
Our former editor, Bryan Barton, has made his foray into international politics:
Check out the news coverage here.
Update: You can now get your very own "Bryan Barton caught me crossing the border and all I got was this lousy T-shirt" by contributing to Bryan's run for congress.
April 4th, 2005
Added Spring 1985, Issue 3 to the HTML Archives. It seems that the ASUCSD never changes.
As for our April Fool's Day prank, I hope you didn't miss it.
March 30th, 2005
Added another episode of Koala TV.
March 29th, 2005
After a night of drunken typing, we bring you the first issue of The Koala from October 1st, 1982.
Did you know UCSD used to have a football team, called The Koalas? Did you know that George Winne lit himself on fire in Revelle Plaza to protest the Vietnam War? Did you know that fraternities used to throw parties with alcohol on campus? Find out all of this and more in the first ever issue of The Koala.
Hopefully we will be able to bring more classic editions of The Koala online. Check for them in the HTML archives section.
March 27th, 2005
Sorry about most of the site being offline this weekend. We had a scheduled power outage. To make up for the outage we added a ton of stuff to the history section.
It also looks like Hustler magazine is going to publish an article about Koala TV in their December issue. Again, anyone interested in being a pornstar, give us an email.
March 16th, 2005
Added Koala Night 2001 to the history section and the pictures section. Yeah, it took a long time to get online, but we wanted to make sure everyone had graduated. It's worth a look.
Guys/Girls would you like to have sex with a pornstar? And when I say pornstar I mean A-list talent. With all of the publicity, we have made a few connections. If so, let us know. We have some grand plans and are looking for a few adventurous UCSD students.
March 1st, 2005
Our next episode of Koala TV is this Thursday at 10PM on SRTV. Tune in to find out what all of the buzz is about. Viewer discretion is advised.
Also, please show up to the AS Council meeting this Wednesday (3/2/05) and let them know you do not support censorship. Here is a copy of the proposed Legislation and Resolution by the ASUCSD. Please let your AS representative you do not support censorship.
February 26th, 2005
If you would like to see the next episode of Amateur Porn Night on SRTV, we need your help. Please email srtv@ucsd.edu with your support.
February 21st, 2005
We are experiencing a huge server load (8 Mb/sec, our maximum rate). We have had to take the high quality version of Koala TV down. It is still available as a Bittorrent file.
Congratulations to Steve, our editor, for being on NBC4 News, Fox News, The O'Reilly Factor, Connected Coast-to-Coast, Scarborough Country, Dennis Miller and in The LA Times, The San Diego Union Tribune, The Monterey County Herald, The San Jose Mercury News, and The Contra Costa Times.
February 21st, 2005
We have decided not to put Amateur Amateur Porn Night online. With all of the attention, we have been sending up to 45 GBytes a day from our server. We do not plan on only doing one episode. Please let us know what you think.
February 10th, 2005
Amateur Amateur Porn Night on Koala TV was a success. We are working on the legal and other issues of putting the rerun on the server.
If you would like us to review a party you are having please give us an email with the details, or put a flyer under the door of our office.
January 18th, 2005
Check out the two new sections: Koala TV and Koala History.
January 11th, 2005
Added the end of school year celebration 2004 to the pictures section.
January 8th, 2005
Make sure to submit your Valentine's Day personals!
December 8th, 2004
Tweaked around with the font sizes and the like. Moved the Price Center Midget piece to the Html Archives. Added two new picture sections: Interview with Nadia Styles and Sloshball Highlights 2003 - 2004.
December 2nd, 2004
Added a few more classic articles in the HTML archives section. Check out: Freud on Seuss and Sexually Tilted Lines In Star Wars.
November 12th, 2004
Expect the new issue Thursday the 18th.
November 9th, 2004
We're testing out a BitTorrent tracker for UCSD. As usual, let us know what you think in the forums. The issue should be coming out in the next few weeks.
October 27th, 2004
October 14th, 2004
Click here for the YouCSD.com info.
September 6th, 2004
We are adding some of our older, classic articles to the HTML archives section. Check it out.
September 2nd, 2004
Just updated the site with a new look and feel. It should be leaner and meaner. Let us know what you think in the forums.
August 4th, 2004
After two quarters of having sketchy meeting places, we now have a house to hold meetings and go on soda binges until the next morning. If you would like to attend a meeting, email Brad.
July 22th, 2004
What a bunch of sick fuckers Koala fans are. Check out the shit people search for and find our site. I guess we're the bunch of sick fucks cuz they're looking for it, and we've got it.
July 20th, 2004
"Donnie Darko: Director's Cut" has gripped us like a colostomy hose. Undoubtedly, it's the best work of art since I jizzed a smiley face all over my brother's ex-girlfirend's stomach. Everyone who sees this movie will die alone, so go here for showtimes.
June 18th, 2004
All good things had to come to an end. After months of being able to get free porn from Netvideogirls the password has mysteriously stopped working. But there is hope yet. To view THE KOALA's goldeness you don't need a password or have to pay monthly charges at all. You only need a pdf reader.
Also THE KOALA remains one of the most popular websites at this university with a whopping 3% of all website traffic within the domain. This is three times more than the biology department will ever get.